Monday, June 28, 2010

My mind updated. I couldn't help it. It felt right:

Saturday, June 26, 2010

This describes how I'm feeling right now, practically perfectly.

One of the instructors at Kula, Julie, lent me her iPod dock one evening while I was cleaning because I couldn't figure out how to work the big intimidating stereo that was newly installed in one of the studios. She asked me to burn her a CD, so I compiled a playlist consisting of 106 songs. That's 692 MB, and 7.3 hours of music. She plans to play my tunes during her classes, therefore I'll be attending much of Julie these days. Julie's good.

1. Finish Your Collapse And Stay For Breakfast - Broken Social Scene
2. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
3. Don't Panic - Coldplay

4. Sunroof Meeting - Foxes in Fiction
5. Service Bell - Grizzly Bear & Feist
6. Sunshine Lady - Taken By Trees
7. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here? - She & Him
8. I Wish You Love - Rachel Yamagata
9. All Along The Watchtower - Bob Dylan
10. The Dress Looks Nice On You - Sufjan Stevens
11. Country Road - Jack Johnson & Paula Fuga
12. Sudden Foot Loss - Broken Social Scene
13. Auntie’s Lock/Infinitum - Flying Lotus & Laura Darlington
14. Fireflies - Will Stratton
15. Dearest, When You Called - Craig Cardiff
16. Even Now - William Fitzsimmons
17. Mediocre Bad Guys - Jack Johnson
18. Ghosts - Laura Marling
19. Divingboard - Foxtail Somersault
20. The Great Escape - Patrick Watson
21. Misread - Kings Of Convenience
22. Mad World - Gary Jules
23. Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
24. Rubber And Soul - Ane Brun
25. Front Row (Acoustic) - Metric
26. Drop In The Mercury - Broken Social Scene
27. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Nouvelle Vague
28. Talking Bird (Demo) - Death Cab For Cutie
29. Crystalized - The Xx
30. You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome - Madeleine Peyroux
31. You Hid - Toro Y Moi
32. A Simple Way To Go Faster Than Light That Does Not Work - Tortoise
33. Not Your Year - The Weepies
34. Coyotes - Jason Mraz
35. Second To Numb - Kings Of Convenience
36. Darkness Descends - Laura Marling
37. Between The Bars - Madeleine Peyroux
38. Golden Ink - Elizabeth & The Catapult
39. No Such Thing - John Mayer
40. Where In The World Are You - Great Lake Swimmers
41. Metal Heart - Cat Power
42. Going, Going, Gone (Live) - Stars
43. hHallmark - Broken Social Scene
44. The Seer’s Tower - Sufjan Stevens
45. Mama Wolf - Devendra Banhart
46. Society - Eddie Vedder
47. Everlong - Gentleman Reg
48. Fond Farewell - Elliott Smith
49. Know-How - Kings Of Convenience
50. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room - John Mayer
51. Bracket WI - Bon Iver
52. Personal - Stars
53. I Still Care For You - Ray LaMontagne
54. Balance - Belleruche
55. Grapevine Fires - Death Cab For Cutie
56. Departure - Baths
57. Such Great Heights - Iron And Wine
58. I Will Do These Things - Azure Ray
59. Everything In Its Right Place - Radiohead
60. Snowy Atlas Mountains - Tortoise
61. Breathless - Corinne Bailey Rae
62. Fever Dream - Devendra Banhart & Iron And Wine
63. Blow Out (Remix) - Radiohead
64. How My Heart Behaves - Feist
65. Until We Bleed - Kleerup & Lykke Li
66. Blue Ridge Mountains - Fleet Foxes
67. Windspeaks - Uyama Hiroto
68. Older Chests - Damien Rice
69. Gleaning - Apostle Of Hustle
70. Brothers On A Hotel Bed - Death Cab For Cutie
71. Hotel - Broken Social Scene
72. The Story I Heard - Blind Pilot
73. Little Bit - Lykke Li
74. In The Waiting Line - Zero 7
75. Breathe Me - Sia
76. Charlyn, Angel Of Kensington - Jason Collett
77. Intuition - Feist
78. Like Someone In Love - Bjork
79. Big Red Machine - Justin Vernon & Aaron Dessner
80. Kid A - Radiohead
81. Reckoner - Radiohead
82. 83 - John Mayer
83. Quiet - This Will Destroy You
84. The Eraser - Thom Yorke
85. Sodom, South Georgia - Iron And Wine
86. Gift Of The Trees - Xavier Rudd
87. Crooked Legs - The Acorn
88. The Diary Of Amy Briggs - Miss Emily Brown
89. Sweetest Kill - Broken Social Scene
90. Atoms For Peace - Thom Yorke
91. Wizard Flurry Home - Mariee Sioux
92. Ghostwriter - RJD2
93. Together - Skalpel
94. The Grace - Dallas Green
95. The Past And Pending - The Shins
96. Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder
97. House Of Cards - Radiohead
98. Soul Eyes - John Coltrane
99. Dancing - Elisa
100. Past Is Prologue - Tycho
101. Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens
102. Andvari - Sigur Ros
103. In The Tail Of Her Eye - Esbjorn Svensson Trio
104. Weddings - Broken Social Scene
105. Guaranteed - Eddie Vedder
106. We Will Never Die - Justin Vernon

Friday, June 25, 2010

I had to share with you all this friggin' delicious concoction I made myself for lunch. I didn't even take a picture because I was so excited to taste it all.
1. Bunch of red grapes
2. 1 pineapple slice
3. 1 peach
4. Orange juice
5. Almond milk
6. Ground flax seed
7. Ice
Grilled sandwich (in the frying pan):
1. Avocado on 1 piece of bread
2. Unripened goat's milk cheese on the other
3. Fresh tomato slices
4. Onion slices
I felt the need to say a little somethings before I head to the market at the Burlington Mall parking lot with my cousin. The lack of posts these days are due to a few circumstances. First, I've rediscovered my love for reading, and my ability to write again. To journal. Yesterday, actually. I made the conscious effort to sit down and just, well, go.... Since, I've felt a little more like myself, and I love it, and forever want more of it. Moreover, since the cleanse, I haven't been documenting my food and drink as much, simply just because. I'm just experimenting with different recipes to juices, smoothies, sauces, and dishes, and it's all so fun and rewarding, sitting down and eating the meal you made from scratch, starting with a Google. Moreover, I haven't been so strict on myself, limiting myself with sugars and fats and whatnot. I figure, you only go around once. That's not to say that I'm going to go out and order a cake to the face or anything, it's more like if someone were to offer me the last few bites of their Reeses Pieces blizzard from DQ, I won't feel the need to decline, so I didn't. Also, I am still feeling and hearing the stigma against my personal health choice, from those who I thought were close to me. I was talking to Beth about this. She gave me some really great advice, that I think I'll share.
"Your reasons should be good enough for you. If someone else doesn't get it, that's fine. It's not their business. People are afraid because they don't understand, and most people feel guilty because they could never do it."
Thank you, really, Beth.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

If all goes well, and the courses I want don't fill up before my time ticket on July 7th at noon, this will be my schedule for 2nd year:

FILM-240* Media and Popular Culture
This course surveys a variety of popular media forms and genres (film, TV, radio, music, novels, magazines, advertising, news, Internet).Introduces contemporary cultural studies analysis concerning the impact of everyday media use on the formation of identities, perceptions, lifestyles and communities.

GNDS-215* Sexual and Gender Diversity
This course is an introduction to studies in sexuality and gender diversity. It will survey the field and include topics such as classical inquiries into sexuality, contemporary theories on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer identities, sexual movements, human rights, sexual morality, pornography, global sex trade, and queer cultural production. This course is open to all students but required for students enrolled in the Certificate in Sexual and Gender Diversity. It is designed to introduce SXGD students to the field and prepare them for selecting future courses.

PHIL-158* Critical Thinking
A discussion of the general principles of reasonable discourse, with a focus on persuasive and cogent writing.

PHIL-256* Existentialism
Representative figures from Kierkegaard to de Beauvoir will be the focus of attention in this overview of the main ideas of existentialism, a vital movement in contemporary philosophy. The foundations of existential thought, its distinctive style of argumentation and its relationship to the perennial concerns of philosophy will be explored.

PHIL-257 Ethics
A study of problems in moral and/or political philosophy from the ancient or early modern period to the present.

PSYC-100 Principles of Psychology
An introductory survey of basic areas of psychology including perception, cognition, learning and motivation and their biological substrata. Also reviewed are child development, individual differences, social psychology and behaviour disorders. Research participation experience is provided for students on an individual voluntary basis. Students are encouraged to participate in up to five hours of research experimentation.

RELS-223* Buddhism
Buddhism in India, the life and teaching of Gautama the Buddha, and the growth of the Theravadin and Mahayanist traditions.

RELS-252* Mysticism
The academic study of mysticism; mystical movements; and mystics.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

"Don't forget to breathe, and don't forget to look up." ~ Kevin Drew

Friday, June 18, 2010

Here we have a steamed brown long grain rice dish. The sauce I made consisted of some vegetable oil, honey, soy sauce, and plum sauce actually. Instead of mixing it into the rice, I just poured it over the serving in the bowl. I sliced some pineapple and added that in, as well as hulled sunflower seeds and some curry to taste. Looks like a sunshine.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

1. 1 Royal Gala apple (supposed to be Granny Smith)
2. 1/2 peeled cucumber (supposed to be a full cucumber)
3. Bit of lime juice (supposed to be a full lime)
4. 1 avocado (I did a bit less than a full one)
5. Some water (I got this one right)
6. Mint leaves

This is a really exotic raw soup. The name is just raw avocado soup, but it tastes like so much more. It tastes like fruits and vegetables at the same time. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I did warm it up too, just because I haven't had a warm soup in a while, besides the stew last night for dinner. I also sliced up some celery and topped it off with a couple leaves of spinach. And I had a fried onion sandwich, haha. Just for some dips.

All well, I'm going to sushi tonight at Saga over on Plains Road with Brittney and Chantale. I'm not going to eat from now until then, so I can get extremely hungry and then satisfy that hunger in LARGE QUANTITIES OF RAW FISH! I love you, sushi.

For now, I will wash up and start with the Oleanders.
This is my favourite link on the internet right now, of all the links I know.
I might spend the day restarting White Oleander, in between working the lunch shift and going out to sushi for dinner with a couple pals of mine.
Thank you to Christina, for uncovering within me an actual need to re-read this novel. I've read half, and I need to begin it again.

If you could adapt the characteristics (mental, physical) of ANY fictional character, which one would you choose, and why? It can be from a book, movie, play etc.

This has taken me 3 months to answer, FYI. I think I'm going to have to choose Astrid from Janet Fitch's White Oleander. Every time I watch White Oleander, or think about how I've read only half of the novel (due to moving away to school and getting repeatedly sucked into textbooks and required novels), I melt, thinking about Astrid, and not only her as an individual, but the relationship she holds and then thoroughly explores, once enlightened, with her mother. Astrid starts off almost over sheltered by her mother and her mother's consistently cold but comforting compliments and reassuring statements such as "You are my daughter, and you are perfect" and "We don't cry, we're the vikings." In a sense, I'd like to adapt that strange feeling derived from a parent to child relationship, only I know how the story turns out, and how she goes against her mother's statements and methods of upbringing eventually, so I think it would be interesting to adapt this feeling, knowing that I'll soon break out of it all. I'd like to adapt that feeling/characteristic(?) of that relationship to experience the common and yet unique sort of enlightenment Astrid goes through. It begins with doubting (at last) her mother, exploring herself, changing herself, changing her surroundings and adapting to them in ways she pleases, being different, but having her constant self within her all the while, however minimized or foggy at times. This is the sort of enlightenment I've experienced since moving out of my house last fall, and moving out and away from this cozy little nest of a shelter, even when it wasn't so cozy. It was always comfortable, and I needed to rid the comfort for once in my life, and "get out of my element," as I always called it while journalling. I got out of my element, and felt the changes when returning to the nest; Burlington, in general. It was rewarding and so exhilarating, knowing that I changed a little bit every time I left again after a weekend home or Christmas break, back to school. Being home also always changed me a little as well, because I always expected the stress to subside for a relaxing weekend at home, but never, ever expected the amount of relief I received while at home, almost every single time, due to friendships and conversations and really, really meaningful moments that I wouldn't change or forget, ever. Rooting back to the actual question, I'd like to adapt that feeling that Astrid felt, and sort of already have I suppose, now that I've played with the question a little and got a touch off topic and into a little side tangent(s!). I've experienced what Astrid has in the sense of pushing myself off the edge willingly, thriving within the uncertainty, and the oleanders. I've experienced the relief that Astrid has, and the peace in chaos, and the uncomfortable feelings within that neat form of comfort. That's what I think I look for, subconsciously for, but now aware of the fact that it was subconsciously, so I suppose I now consciously search for those instances of peace in chaotic situations and places. That's what I think Astrid does, maybe a little more so towards the middle and end of the novel than the beginning. At first, her and her mother both maintain that calm and collected composure, inner perfection and inner, as well as outer beauty, not really knowing what the missing puzzle pieces or scrapes and wounds were really about or what that really meant. Towards the middle, Astrid gets fucked over, essentially, unwillingly. And it's there where she learns to, well, deal. And not just dealing by scraping by, but by fucking loving and holding tight, the chaos, close to her heart and refreshed daily in her mind and her memory.

"Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to." ~ Janet Fitch

It's this that I've learned about and played with and learned to love, unconditionally, despite how shitty it all is. Life is life and life is good, even when it's not.


Half avocado and half unripe goat's milk cheese. Yes. A bite of each separately, and then a little fold here, little fold there.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The state of New York has injected me with something. And what that something is, I'm not yet certain.


New York City.

Waking up at 4:00am, eating the pre-made cereal I made, drinking the pre-made smoothie I made.
Leaving at 5 to get Meagan.
Pit stops for bagels, teas, muffins and apples, then for a tuna sandwich, some gasoline.
Funeral passing, buses passing, more buses passing, more buses passing.
Playlists, shuffles, dedications, John Mayer, Love Shack, Sheryl Crow, Leslie Feist, Radiohead. Thanks.
Expensive valet parking, ta for now, little green ARST, rest up.
Central Park, absolutely wandering in the humidity. Really wet or really warm or really both?
Rediscovering past places, a fountain, a field, a memorial, some bridges, some Jodi Foster bridges.
Observation: humanity, everywhere, never ending.
Bicycles, horses, pedestrians, persons.
Vegetable Subway sandwich consumption in a cafe. Andrew's purchase of a really sugary smoothie.
Guava, mango, things.
NBC Studio, retrieving our 4 bright tickets.
Walking, walking, not allowed to stand, not allowed, simply forbidden to stand and form a line.
Dispersing, being ants, flailing, requesting reasons!
Escalator, wait, line, no standing on the stairs, the stairs are your lava, and you'll die.
Sitting on red carpet seats, cushiony. Stage left. See me there? Me neither.
Observation: Wow.
Note: Internship.
Chuckles for Jimmy Fallon, a quirk, a butt.
NBC Store, F.R.I.E.N.D.S mug, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon waterbottle.
A Seinfeld mug that "may or may not be a gift for you for Father's Day," not like Flag Day.
Times Square. Roaming, walking, being perfectly okay, being good.
Observation: Diversity.
Observation: So much.
Feet a little funny, but not overwhelmingly so. Walk.
Walk twenty blocks, Empire State Building.
Elf. Elf. Elf. Elf.
Escalator, line, metal detector, line, line, line, line, and some dollar bills. Line.
From here, I have no words.

From here, I have no words except these.

All I'll say is that the air is a whole lot clearer up here.